So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
