6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
