So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
