Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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