Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i think i have two assholes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
