I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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