Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You took a bar mat shot.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
