you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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