Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
