sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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