I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
