I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
