My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize