I can tuck mytits in my pants
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
