if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
