Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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