whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
