Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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