so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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