I am puke
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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