then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize