i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize