Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize