hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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