turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
