dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
