let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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