So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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