found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
