I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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