i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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