my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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