put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
