the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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