I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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