Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
