She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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