If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Rumble strips road head = magical
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
