Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
