I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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