i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize