this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
