I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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