the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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