I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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