Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
