Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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