Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
