Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
