I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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