i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
