The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
