...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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