i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And then the night went full on bisexual.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
