The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
