jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We need to get me chipped asap
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
