Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
