you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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