Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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