I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
