Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
