dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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