my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
