You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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