you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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