It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
