Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
