Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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