you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
