Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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