Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize